Easter eggs

A rooster woke up early Easter morning and looked out across the farmer’s lawn, only to see it dotted with brightly colored eggs. He looked at the eggs, looked at the hens, and looked at the eggs again. Then he marched across the lawn and slapped the peacock.

Dentist visit

The Easter bunny went to the dentist with a toothache. The dentist told the Easter Bunny he had a cavity and asked what kind of filling he wanted. The Easter bunny thought for a minute and then said,”How about caramel?”

Forgetful

A long time ago, an elderly man died and went to heaven. It just so happened that Jesus had decided to give St. Peter a break at the Pearly Gates that day. So when the man went up, he met the Lord straight away. The Lord asked for his name, but he couldn’t remember. So the Lord asked, “Is there was anything about your life you can remember?”

The man thought a while and said, “I remember something! I had a son!”

The Lord asked, “Do you remember his name?” It was right there, but the man was struggling to remember.

A few minutes go by, and the man said, “I can almost remember… I remember I had a son, and I remember he died….. and then he came back to life!”

Bewildered, the good Lord said, “Father?!”

Struck with the memory, the elderly man said, “Pinocchio?!”

Burial

A man’s nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem.

The funeral director said, “Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her back home to the states, or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem.”

Without hesitation, the husband said, “Ship her home.”

The funeral director inquired, “But sir, why don’t you bury her here in the Holy Land? You can save money.”

The husband replied, “A long time ago a man was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can’t take that chance.”

By the way

Jesus: Honor my sacrifice by abstaining from meat on Fridays and all holy days.

Peter the Fisherman: *Slides Jesus a $20* Jesus: Also, fish isn’t meat.

Short ones

Why did the Easter egg go to the salon? She needed a dye job.

What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

Why are people always tired in April? Because they’ve just finished a March!

What’s the best way to make Easter easier? Put an “i” where the “t” is.

Where does Dracula keep his Easter candy? In his Easter casket!

Why did the jelly bean go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

What happens if you get married on Easter? You live hoppily ever after.