Long Distance

My girlfriend and I are trying this whole “long distance relationship” thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

Wowsers

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense he thought he would get off lightly but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!! Man, that sentence was way too long.

Rainy Season

After a prolonged drought when the rain finally came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo.

When the others asked her what the reason was for such sadness, she lamented that the rain meant that all its kids would have to play inside.

Nicknames

My grandson said he was impressed that, after nearly 60 years of marriage, I still called my wife “Love,” “Darling,” or “Sweetheart.” I hadn’t the heart to tell him I couldn’t remember her name.

Wedding Day

An optometrist and his wife were at the altar.

“Do you, Karen, take David to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better… or worse? Better… or worse?”