Take That

Shortly after the Revolutionary War, the American war hero Ethan Allen was in London for some business.

His hosts were very patriotic Englishmen, so there was inevitably some tension between them. One day, they acquired a portrait of George Washington and hung it in their outhouse, so that you could only see it when you were seated and the door was closed.

After Ethan came in from using it later that day, they asked him if he noticed anything different. He said he noticed the portrait. When asked what he thought of it, he replied that he found it very appropriate for an Englishman to put it there. His confused hosts pressed him for an explanation, to which he replied, “Nothing makes an Englishman release his bowels quicker than the sight of General Washington.”

Short Ones

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

What kind of tea do Americans prefer? Liber-tea

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom.

Why did the two firecrackers break up? They just fizzled out.

What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk? The Star-Spangled Banner.

What are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”? “Play ball!”