Response Time

A farmer once saw thieves stealing from one of his sheds.

He immediately phoned the police.

He was told “Sorry, we can’t send anyone for over an hour.”

“But if you come now you can catch them red-handed!” the farmer said.

“Sorry, we don’t have anyone available right now.”

The man hung up, waited two or three minutes, then phoned the police again.

“There’s no rush to send anyone now,” he told them. “I just shot them. They’re not going anywhere.”

Three armed response units were at his house five minutes later.

Short Ones

A woman was recently arrested for laughing like a man. She was charged with manslaughter.

Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

I heard on the news that someone has been stealing wheels off police cars. The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

Someone broke into by garage and stole my limbo stick. Seriously. How low can you go?