Cruising By

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

Airline Accident

On a flight from Delhi to New York, 400 passengers boarded but only 200 meals were loaded. The mistake was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. One flight attendant had an idea. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, “Ladies and gentleman; we don’t know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else will receive free unlimited liquor for the duration of the flight.”

Her next announcement came six hours later: “Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available.”

Try Again

While cave exploring, Dave discovered a lamp. When he picked it up, a genie popped out.

Genie: “You can have two wishes.”

Dave: “I wish I was rich.” Genie: “Granted, now what’s your second wish?”

Rich: “…I wish I had lots of money.”

News item

A man was killed in a shark attack yesterday while on his honeymoon. Police say he didn’t suffer long; he’d only been married for three days.

Short Ones

What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide Where do pirates buy their hooks at? Second hand stores.

Why couldn’t lifeguards save the drowning hippie? He was too far out, man.

Who cleans the ocean? Mermaids!

What is the most popular fish in the ocean? A starfish.