Beach frustration

A family goes on vacation to Playa del Carmen in southern Mexico.

Unfortunately, there was a large gathering of ducks who were nesting on the beach, and every time the family’s teenage daughter tried to get in the water the birds came after her, squawking and flapping, to try and keep her away from their eggs.

After a few days of this, the father had had enough, and he went to the resort front desk.

“Your beach is terrible,” he said. “My daughter can’t even swim without being attacked by the local wildlife!”

The resort manager replied, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”

Doomed cruise

Two bankers were the only survivors after their cruise ship sank. They were both clinging to a single life preserver.

One banker, knowing that his colleague couldn’t swim, says, “I think I can make it to shore to get help. Can you float alone?”

The other banker replies, “How can you talk business at a time like this?!”

Vacation time

“Where are you going on vacation, Bob?” Dave asked his coworker.

“Las Vegas.”

“You don’t sound very excited.”

“Well, I’m a little concerned,” said Bob. “Went to Cancun last year, and my wife got pregnant. Went to Hawaii the year before that, and she got pregnant then, too.”

“Wow! So are you going to take precautions?”

“Absolutely! This year I’m taking her with me.”

Breaking the news

A man asks his buddy to check in on his cat and his mother as he is going on vacation for a month. The trip is going well when one day he receives an text from his friend that reads: “Your cat fell out of a tree and died.”

He immediately calls his friend to ask what exactly had happened and also to explain to him that he should not give terrible news like that, with so little tact.

“You could start off with a message saying that the cat climbed a tree. A few days later, you could send another one saying that the cat fell out of the tree and hurt himself. Then later you could send a final message explaining that after falling from the tree and hurting himself, the cat didn’t make it. That way I could prepare myself mentally for the eventual news that my dear cat has passed away.”

The friend apologizes for the blunt message and tells him that he will do better. They end the conversation on good terms.

A week goes by and then one day he receives a new message that reads: “Your mother climbed an oak tree today.”