Need help

A couple has gone to bed for the night when there’s a knock on the door. The husband rolls over in bed and looks at the alarm clock; it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. Grumbling, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door to find a man standing outside.

“Hey, pal,” says the stranger, “I need help. Can you give me a push?”

“Forget it,” says the husband, “it’s 3 a.m.” He slams the door, goes back upstairs, climbs in bed and tells his wife what happened.

“You’re so selfish,” she says. “Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain and you had to knock on that man’s door for a jump? What would have happened if he’d been like you?”

So the husband gets back out of bed, goes back downstairs, opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger, he shouts, “Hey! You still want a push?”

A voice calls back, “Yes, please!”

Still unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?”

The man replies, “I’m over here, on the swings.”

Short Ones

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I used to think orthopedic shoes were overrated. But I stand corrected.

I don’t understand how people have a hard time sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

I once got an email explaining how to read maps backwards. It was spam.

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down!